


Nuance

by citrusyghost



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Graduation, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slow Burn, Third Years
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-02
Updated: 2016-03-02
Packaged: 2018-05-24 06:44:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6144997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/citrusyghost/pseuds/citrusyghost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is not a love story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nuance

 

Iwaizumi was leaning on his desk, arms folded in front of him and talking to a few classmates when Oikawa had quietly slipped back to class. His gaze flickered over to the brunette and watched as he sat at his desk and leaned forward to put his head on the table.

“Do you think they’re going to get the next game?”

Iwaizumi was pulled back into the conversation he was previously having.

“I haven’t seen a baseball match in forever, really,” he shrugged with a small smile.

“Yeah, I thought so. The volleyball club has been really busy lately hasn’t it?” his friend cocked his head.

“When has it never?” Iwaizumi laughed, thinking about their intense bi-weekly practices. His friend grinned back before chattering on about baseball with others. Iwaizumi joined in the conversation easily but found himself glancing at Oikawa every now and again. Something was wrong with him. Girl trouble, probably. It usually was. Oikawa would lie and pretend it wasn’t but it usually was.

Some part of Iwaizumi was unsympathetic about it. He constantly found himself in a continuous cycle of trying to pick Oikawa up, reassuring him that he was there for him only to have him wander off with a random girl and create a big mess of the relationship, however short it was.

* * *

 

“Something is definitely up with Oikawa,” Hanamaki raised his brows at Oikawa’s missed serve. The third years stood in a corner and watched Oikawa made a few frustrated hand movements before getting another ball to serve.

“So,” Hanamaki casually turned to Iwaizumi, “What’s up?”

Iwaizumi blinked at Hanamaki in confusion.

“What?” He frowned.

“What happened?” Hanamaki bounced his head in encouragement, as if egging on a child to let on some secret.

“What makes you think I know?” Iwaizumi asked defensively.

“You always know,” Matsuwaka pointed out, stretching beside them both.

“I don’t always know what’s going on with Oikawa,” Iwaizumi sighed in frustration before walking away from the other two. He didn’t mean to come off so touchy about it but everyone always assumed he knew everything about Oikawa. Maybe he knew more than most, but he didn’t know everything. If he knew everything, Oikawa wouldn’t be moping around the gym getting irritated with himself because he would be with Iwaizumi telling him his problems.

* * *

 

Iwaizumi managed about twenty minutes of silence on the walk home before he stopped and grabbed Oikawa by the arm.

“Ok,” Iwaizumi snapped, “Are you going to tell me why you’re being so mopey or are you going to make me force it out of you?”

Oikawa’s mouth pulled downwards ever so slightly as he frowned. Iwaizumi was getting better at differentiating between Oikawa’s actual emotions from his feigned ones and right now Oikawa was pulling the worst fake puppy-dog face.

“Iwa-chan, you’re always so mean,” Oikawa huffed, shaking his arm so Iwaizumi would let go.

“Hah?” Iwaizumi let out an incredulous noise, frowning as he did.

“That’s not how you comfort someone,” Oikawa said airily with a finger held up. “You ask them nicely if they’re okay and if they’re not, you-”

Oikawa took Iwaizumi’s hand with ease and gently put it on his own head, moving Iwaizumi’s wrist up and down to pat himself on the head.

“pat them on the head and tell them it’s going to be okay~!”

Iwaizumi stared at Oikawa for a split second before suddenly tightening his grip on Oikawa’s head.

“Ow! Ow! Ow! Iwa-chan!!!!” Oikawa squealed, struggling under his grip.

“You’re such a shit.” Iwaizumi released him and stalked ahead. He saw Oikawa catch up with him easily from the corner of his eye, laughing behind a hand. It was a beautiful sound. Not because Oikawa had a particularly beautiful voice but because it was genuine and it was rarely genuine.

“I’m fine.” Oikawa said quietly when he calmed down, “That’s what you want to hear right?”

Iwaizumi didn’t say anything to that. Instead he just looked at Oikawa and the brunette perked his face up with a fake smile.

 

* * *

 

 

It was on the weekend, at Iwaizumi’s house in his bedroom. He was sat at his desk and was surfing the net for new sports shoes. Oikawa was lying on his bed, flat on his back staring at the ceiling. It was probably a good day to go out, do something productive but they were content being in each others company doing nothing much. It had become such normality to the both of them that they were no longer precious about it. Oikawa would just show up at Iwaizumi’s or, he at his and they would just be.

“She broke up with me,” Oikawa broke the comfortable silence.

_Of course she did._ Iwaizumi heard him say the words in his mind but held his tongue. Instead he kept quiet and waited to see if Oikawa would elaborate. He had heard this story one too many times. It wasn’t always the same but they usually had enough similarities for Iwaizumi to lump them all together as one big unnecessary, waste of time.

Oikawa didn’t elaborate.

That bothered Iwaizumi so he swung around in his wheelie chair to face Oikawa.

“What happened?” Iwaizumi asked carefully. To be fair, Nao was a great girl. She was smarter than most of the girls Oikawa usually dated. From the interactions that he’s had with her, he knew she was intuitive, mature and well… not the usual kind of cheery oblivious girl Oikawa went for. Nao was actually a rather good match for Oikawa, Iwaizumi had admitted to himself reluctantly. It made him surprisingly bitter. He realized it when he saw the both of them together in the hallway one time. Oikawa was laughing at something Nao was saying and he looked so relaxed, so content that Iwaizumi felt his chest clench up in jealousy. It was a brief moment of weakness, one Iwaizumi never forgave himself for and one he pushed to the very far corners of his mind and made a conscious effort to never think that way again.

It scared him.

It toyed with the boundaries of his relationship with Oikawa.

“She said something to me,” Oikawa forced a laugh. It sounded uncomfortable.

“I couldn’t accept it. So she broke up with me.” He continued, “It’s dumb isn’t it?”

Oikawa had turned his head towards Iwaizumi to face him. It made Iwaizumi’s heart ache so he looked away.

“It can’t be that bad,” Iwaizumi muttered, unable to hold Oikawa’s gaze.

“But it was,” Oikawa murmured, turning back to the ceiling. Iwaizumi glanced back at him.

The famous Oikawa Tooru. Loved and adored by girls of all years, his ever growing fan base extending beyond the boundaries of their own reputable school, Seijou. Oikawa, the school’s ikemen, loved by classmates and teachers alike. Even his enemies found it difficult to hate him because he seemed so perfect.

And here he was lying on Iwaizumi’s bed like he’s done since he was a child, with a broken expression on his face like he had nothing.

 

* * *

 

The news of his breakup spread like wildfire in the school because Oikawa Tooru was once again up for grabs. Girls flooded to their classroom with lunchboxes from home economics and silly excuses. As usual, Oikawa accepted all their gifts with graciousness and it only made the girls even wilder. It was like everything was back to normal.

“It still is quite a sight to behold.” Nao commented next to Iwaizumi as they watched a hoard of girls ambush Oikawa.

“Well,” Iwaizumi shrugged and made a dismissive hand gesture. Nao laughed.

“I think he is amazing,” she smiled, still looking at Oikawa, “but he’s not up for grabs is he. I only realized it weeks into the relationship.”

“I don’t underst-”

Iwaizumi stopped when Nao turned to look at him with an unreadable expression on her face.

“His heart is already taken,” She cocked her head at him. Iwaizumi frowned. He didn’t understand and he opened his mouth with the intention of asking her to elaborate but Nao put a slender hand on his shoulder and gave it a light squeeze.

“See you around, Iwaizumi-kun,” she offered him a small smile and walked away. Iwaizumi turned to where Oikawa was with a confused expression and felt a strange feeling run down his spine when he realized Oikawa was staring straight back at him.

 

* * *

 

 

Summer came round soon after and momentarily erased the strange feelings of uncertainty and seemingly put aside unanswered questions for another time. Iwaizumi didn’t stop to question it. He just went with the flow of things.

It was a time where he was carefree. He and Oikawa would go for volleyball practice together twice a week. He would go out with friends and just enjoy the feeling of being free. Free from his thoughts and complicated questions he didn’t want to answer.

“Okay, okay, okay,” Hanamaki laughed, holding up his hands in defeat before bringing the shot to his mouth and downing it. Iwaizumi laughed and slapped him on his back.

It was a quiet night. Cold, but the crackling bonfire kept the four of them warm on the cool beach. It was their last night of freedom before the next semester began and before they’d have to throw themselves back into routine.

“Your turn,” Hanamaki motioned to Matsuwaka. The dark-haired boy relaxed back on his hands and made a contemplative face.

“I have never dated someone I didn’t love,” he said finally. Iwaizumi low whistled and Oikawa shook his head. Hanamaki snorted, reaching for a shot.

“That’s low man,” Oikawa wagged a finger at him, bringing a shot to his lips.

“I’m old fashioned,” Matsuwaka shrugged with a cheeky grin and watched as Oikawa and Hanamaki took a shot each. They turned to look at Iwaizumi when they were done.

“What?” Iwaizumi laughed at their faces.

“Really?” Hanamaki asked twisting his face into one of disbelief.

“Iwa-chan are you lying, remember that one girl you-” Oikawa started dramatically, wriggling his eyebrows as he did.

“Technically,” Iwaizumi interrupted him, “I wasn’t dating her, you just told the whole school I was.”

Oikawa stuck out his tongue at Iwaizumi before flashing him a grin. Iwaizumi stared at his best friend for a moment before shaking his head with a defeated smile. He couldn’t win against that face.

“Ok,” Iwaizumi leaned forward closer to the fire “I have never… I’ve never kissed a guy.”

Consensus shrugs were made and Matsuwaka and Hanamaki downed a shot each. There was a quiet realization that hung in the air when they realized that Oikawa didn’t take one. Iwaizumi turned to the brunette and looked at him square in the face.

“Look, that one time when we were seven does _not_ count Oikawa.” Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. Oikawa flushed a deep shade of red and smacked Iwaizumi on his arm, annoyed. The rest laughed at his reaction.

“I know that!” Oikawa sniffed, turning away from Iwaizumi, “I didn’t drink to that.”

“Oh,” Iwaizumi mouthed.

And just like that, summer was over.

 

* * *

 

 

Iwaizumi found himself occasionally replaying that one moment from summer in his head over and over. He couldn’t explain what it was about the whole incident that made him nervous. It scared him and made him wonder about things he never would have wondered about.

“Iwa-chan~” Oikawa draped an arm around Iwaizumi’s shoulder and pulled him close Iwaizumi felt his ears grow warm at the sudden contact and chided himself for the stupid reaction. He turned to Oikawa reluctantly and froze when the brunette was inches away from his face.

“Can you wait for me after school? Sensei wants to talk to me about my university choices…” Oikawa pressed his cheek onto Iwaizumi’s shoulder and made a pathetic face.

“No.” Iwaizumi said with a deadpan expression 

“Mean Iwa-chan!! Mean!!” Oikawa wailed, throwing his hands into the air.

Iwaizumi snorted a laugh and Oikawa stopped being dramatic for a second to cock his head at his best friend.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll wait for you,” Iwaizumi waved a hand.

 

* * *

 

 

Oikawa half-jogged to Iwaizumi where he stood waiting for him. The sun had begun to set and was painting the town in streaks of pink and purples. It felt melancholic and to Iwaizumi, unnecessary.

“Let’s go,” Oikawa smiled.

They walked in comfortable silence for a while before Oikawa motioned to the convenience store around the corner from the street and Iwaizumi obliged. They emerged from the automated doors with an ice cream each and two milk buns for Oikawa.

“Ne, what are your plans after high school have you thought about it?” Oikawa sucked at his ice cream.

“I’m still looking,” Iwaizumi shrugged, “Why?”

“Nothing,” Oikawa shook his head with a small smile.

“Hm,” Iwaizumi made a noise from the back of his throat.

“Would it be weird to live further than two streets down from me?” Oikawa asked suddenly.

“Huh?” Iwaizumi crinkled his forehead.

“Like, if I lived more than two streets down from you. Would that be weird? Would we not walk home together anymore and not have ice cream and-” Oikawa wagged his milk buns in front of Iwaizumi’s face, “I won’t get to buy this with you, you know, that sort of thing.”

“Are you not feeling well,” Iwaizumi cocked an eyebrow at Oikawa but when he didn’t respond and just looked at Iwaizumi expectantly, Iwaizumi sighed 

“Yeah, I guess,” Iwaizumi shrugged, “You’ve been just around the corner since we were born so yeah it’ll be weird.”

“Would it be weird like a good weird or a bad weird?” Oikawa sniffed.

“You’re not making any sense,” Iwaizumi sighed like it was laborious, “What are you trying to say, trashkawa.”

“If I move to Tokyo, would it be weird?” Oikawa locked gazes with Iwaizumi.

The air seemed to still around them. Oikawa was staring at Iwaizumi, waiting for an answer but all Iwaizumi could do was stare back. He had never considered what graduation meant and what it entailed. Some part of him was stuck in summer, the last summer they had together, only, he didn’t realize it could potentially be their last. It was something that just never crossed his mind. Somehow he’d always assumed that Oikawa would be next to him, near him or just… around. And the thought of him being anywhere but next to him was suddenly very frightening.

The cool night breeze, usually welcoming and comforting felt alien and intrusive. Iwaizumi felt a cold trickle down his hand. His ice cream was melting.

Summer was long over.

 

* * *

 

The crushing defeat Seijou suffered from Karasuno left the team in had them ended up in a ramen bar and the teachers buying the team food.

Iwaizumi watched with a mildly sympathetic expression as Kindaichi slobbered into his ramen.

“Kindaichi, blow your nose,” Matsuwaka wagged a tissue in front of the first year. Iwaizumi shook his head at the first year before turning to glance at Oikawa who was seated at the bar table with Hanamaki. At the end of the match it was Iwaizumi who had broken down. All the emotions he felt bubbled up to the top and overflowed even though he thought he was in control. In the end it had come down to him and he failed; the last chance to take the team and the third years to the nationals.

Oikawa would probably yell at him.

Somehow he thought that the roles would have been reversed. That Oikawa would be the one sobbing and he would be the one to tell Oikawa that he had done his best like he usually did. 

Instead he was the one who had hot tears flowing down his face because in that moment, that horrible moment when the ball smacked hard on the court floor and the whistle was blown. When Karasuno won and let loose screams and cheers almost as if they couldn’t believe they had won and Seijou was left watching them celebrate. That was when Iwaizumi realized – _ah, this is it._

_This is the end of high school. In a few months from now, I will graduate. Sure, I’ll continue volleyball; I’m probably never going to stop. But this is where the time I had with Oikawa runs out. What sort of ace am I, that I couldn’t even protect this?_

And then he felt a hard smack on his back. He watched Oikawa walk ahead of him like he always had. Another smack. Hanamaki. And another. Matsuwaka.

They stood in a line and thanked their supporters.

_Thank you very much._

“Shit, shit, shit”

“That’s the fifty-third shit,” Matsuwaka noted casually. Hanamaki made a face.

“That’s because I’m frustrated like shit,” Oikawa spat out the words, “I wanted us to be the team that went to nationals this time.”

“Well, even if we went we might be beaten there,” Hanamaki sniffed.

“That won’t happen!!” Oikawa cried, “Makki, stop being humble!!!”

Iwaizumi stared at the ground as they walked away from the ramen bar. The sinking feeling in his chest only worsened. They ended up back at school at the gym practicing like as if they had any energy left. They pounded spikes to the court floor and served like they were in a real match. They went all out.

“Everyone…” Oikawa began, “Can I have a moment?”

“Oi,” Hanamaki warned, “We’ve just got to a comfortable point you’re going to ruin it!”

“Shut up!!!” Oikawa cried. Iwaizumi’s heart sank.

“Thank you for these three years!!!!” Oikawa had tears in his eyes. His face was flushed from the effort of trying to keep them in. It was genuine and it made it hurt so much more than it already did. It hit Iwaizumi like a ton of bricks. He felt the warm rise up from his face and spill from his eyes. 

_This was it._

“…I told you,” Hanamaki’s voice trembled as he looked down at his shoes. The four of them stood in silence, choking back emotions they thought would only be let lose when they were alone.

 

* * *

 

Iwaizumi walked in silence next to Oikawa. He was tired, his body hurt from the day and his eyes felt sore from all that crying. He glanced at Oikawa and found himself admiring the determined expression the brunette wore. Nothing could get him down. He’d work and work and work with all he’s got and he may never be satisfied. That was what made him so amazing. Iwaizumi threw his head back at the night sky and took in a deep breath.

What a privilege it has been to have Oikawa next to him.

What an honor it has been to be able to be inspired by someone as driven and self-motivated as Oikawa Tooru.

What a blessing it has been to be in love with such a guy.

“You probably wouldn’t be happy even when you’re old and grey,” Iwaizumi mused aloud to himself. He was surprised it took him this long to realize. To realize all the frightening emotions he was running away from was love. How silly.

“What?!” Oikawa gasped, horrified, “Are you cursing me now??”

“Even if you won the tournament, you wouldn’t be satisfied. You’d pursue volleyball all your life because you’re troublesome.”

“You’re insulting me still!!!”

“But you will move forward without hesitation.”

_Even if you leave me behind-_

“You’re the partner I can boast about, you really are an amazing setter.”

_Inspiring and beautiful, even at your weakest-_

“Even if the team changes, that is a fact that remains.”

_That you are –_

“But if ever we have to fight, I will defeat you.”

_The person I love the most._

Oikawa lowered his head and locked gazes with Iwaizumi.

“Bring it on.”

 

* * *

 

Graduation day had beautiful weather. It was like the perfect scene from a shoujo manga where the trees swayed gently in the background and the leaves fell like rain to the ground. Excited chattering and loud voices were all around. Iwaizumi stood in the middle of his class, sandwiched between people for photos. It was bittersweet.

He was pushed around until he bumped into a familiar face; that familiar smile.

“Iwa-cha!!!” Oikawa crushed him in an embrace, “Let’s take a picture!!! We’re graduated!!!!”

“We are,” Iwaizumi laughed fondly. Oikawa pulled out his phone and they took too many pictures for Iwaizumi to count. After that they were ambushed by Matsuwaka and Hanamaki and was swept up into a crowd for even more photo taking.

It was a mess but a beautiful mess it was.

Then, they were standing in the gym, in their graduating robes taking it in for one last time. Iwaizumi was looking at Oikawa, finding himself trying to burn images of him into his mind for the last time.

“I’m going to Tokyo tomorrow,” Oikawa announced quietly. Iwaizumi stilled.

“It’s a bit rushed,” the brunette laughed, “I got accepted through a sports scholarship.”

“That’s…” Iwaizumi began sincerly, “That’s really great, Oikawa. I’m proud of you.”

Oikawa turned to Iwaizumi with a soft smile. It was the smile that Iwaizumi looked for between all of the feigned ones. The one he loved, the one he wanted to always have seared in his memory.

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa lifted his hand to touch Iwaizumi’s sleeve but hesitated. Iwaizumi looked at him and he laughed. It wasn’t a real laugh.

“Do you remember Nao?” Oikawa’s gaze shifted to Iwaizumi’s face. Iwaizumi nodded, a little confused.

“Remember when I was in your room, and I told you that we had broken up.” Oikawa began, holding the back of his neck, “I told you that she had said something and that I couldn’t accept it so she broke up with me.”

Oikawa glanced at the floor for a moment as if to calm himself down before looking back at Iwaizumi.

“She told me that I was in love with you.”

Iwaizumi felt his throat go dry and the air get kicked out of his lungs. Oikawa wasn’t looking at him again, deciding to focus on the ceiling of the gym.

“I couldn’t accept it,” Oikawa forced a laugh, “But now I’m standing here and I’m leaving tomorrow and suddenly I am scared and maybe it is true.”

Iwaizumi was completely still. His hands started to go cold and his chest had began hurting a few minutes before but now it was just aching. He wanted to hold Oikawa. He wanted to touch him but instead, he was stood frozen in place.

“I think I’ve been in love with you from the very start, but now it’s too late isn’t it?”

 

* * *

 

This isn’t a love story.

But it could have been.

**Author's Note:**

> Ramen bar and subsequent dialogue belong to furudate haruichi in the extra seijou chapter that you can read here (http://ladder-chan.tumblr.com/post/125829628173/extra-story-from-vol-17-the-fight-isnt-over-raw).
> 
> Thank you for choosing to suffer with me.


End file.
